Q&A with parents at local Jersey City School

I was invited by the PTA of the OLC School Little Harbor Academy in Jersey City, New Jersey, to have a conversation with parents about family relationships, where I focused on healthy boundaries, parenting strategies to strengthen bonds.  

Below is an excerpt from the school newsletter highlighting the “top 10 takeaways” from the conversation..

Take a look at the highlights from past events including our open PSA meeting on February 4 featuring Divya Dodhia, a family and child therapist who answered some of your urgent parenting questions. As we continue to face unprecedented challenges, our children look to us, the parents, for stability and reassurance. While we do not have all the answers, we can adopt strategies that help us to cope, become more resilient and live with hope

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Q&A with Divya Dodhia: top 10 takeaways for better family life:

1. Practice WOW moments:  Make a habit of starting your morning with smiles, hugs and gratitude. Incorporate routines that foster family interactions such as focusing on the positive moments during dinner or bedtime.
2. Cultivate parental self-care. Take the time to do something that gives you joy and replenishes your energy such as painting, learning a musical instrument or taking a walk.
3. Practice gratitude and model behavior that you want to see in your children.
4. Encourage social skills and healthy relationships by cutting back on your child’s screen time. Studies have shown that screens are addictive and change brain activity. Yes! Let them be bored. It really is far better for our children to lie around complaining of boredom than to be gaming for hours or stuck on YouTube autoplay. Look for healthier ways to be online such as writing music or designing a game.
5. Provide a contract along with that new smartphone that specifies rules on how to use it responsibly. Children’s brains are not fully developed and they do not understand the responsibilities that accompany being online.
6. Take your children outdoors even if it’s raining. It works wonders for their brains.
7. Help your children to articulate their feelings. Anger is the easiest emotion for kids to feel, but it is often a smokescreen. Help them to talk about how they are feeling to see what transpired to have upset them. It might be embarrassment or guilt over something that happened at school.
8. Validate your child’s feelings by listening and reassuring them that you are there for them.
9. Use incentives to motivate your tween. Middle school is the most confusing age because of biological changes. At the same time, tweens thrive on friendships. They need positive rewards such as outdoor sports or hanging out with friends. It's important that middle schoolers have something to look forward to. Tap into their interests so you know what, where, who and how to influence their interests. Make a habit of hosting a game night.
10. Learning parenting language is a process. Expect to make mistakes. Create a reading list to learn helpful strategies.